John Fordyce, an extraordinary man

Mom and I always joke about John being an alien because he seems to be able to do more than the rest of us and eat way too much sugar, or at least more than we can handle. We women, having to watch what we eat, how much of it,and what time of day we eat it, are jeolous of him because he gets away with everything we can't.

I still think he's an alien sometimes but I would like to say that he really is such a delightful gentleman and I enjoy his company so much that I am really going to miss seeing him every day after I go home tomorrow. I don't ever get tired of hangin' around with him.

I often forget his age because he maintains such an energetic attentiveness to whatever it is he is focused on and his perspective on things is always fresh. The past 10 days have been hard on us. I have been wiped out each night and so thankful to be in a comfortable bed but John has only spent one night in his own bed, preferring to stay close to Mom and sleep, as best as he can, in the ICU waiting room. I know he is tired and tired of the routine but he knows where he needs to be and cheerfully and graciously continues to be right there.

I'm tremendously thankful that my mother has such a wonderful man by her side. I can't say that I have ever met a more charming and honorable man and we are all blessed to have him in our lives. I wish I could make this easier for him and have tried but, continue, and get through this, he must and he will. He's a real trooper, for sure!

Someone take him a Frostie and give him a back rub this week, would ya?



Prayer for Mom tonight: Dear God, send your angels, bright and beautiful, to light up the room where my mother lies, to envelope her in their song and cradle her with their love. Be her sentinel and shield her from the dark. Keep her close and safe, for us. Amen

Saturday, October 18, 2008

This morning, when I left to come to the hospital, I felt as if I have been going to a new job each day for the past week and a half. This new scene in my life has become familiar. I am almost through the initial training period. I’m not sure I like this job but hope that I am performing at an acceptable level. I had no idea it would be this tough.

It’s hard to sit around all the time and worry about someone. There is nothing to do for her but take care of myself and the part of my life that still goes on beyond the hospital and what is happening around her. I feel useless but needed. I feel obligated and rediculous. I’m agonizing over the reality of the impossible situation of helping and not helping.

I know that my presence and efforts here are not useless or ineffective. I do realize that I have been an important part of what has transpired around this tragedy. I know that I am appreciated for what I have done and have been told the same by many I have talked to. I just feel frustrated to have not been able to reverse this reality, to make it not so, to turn back the clock and prevent it from happening.

The doctors and nurses here have been great and I have not been too much of a pain to them but only because I understand the immediate need of what they know to get her beyond critical and into healing. I’ve already asked them to give her Vitamin C which they have NEVER HEARD OF! They gave her some a few times and I have asked again to make sure it is administered daily. She needs good nourishment and my next step is to see that she gets glycol-nutrients (cellular nutrition) in the form of Ambrotose or the generic same. The problem is sufficiently educating and convincing the doctor of it’s efficacy and catching him on duty to order it. Right now they don’t want to hear about it.

We are so relieved to see them feeding her but it has been so little and so unappetizing. They couldn’t feed her at all for the first week. They are giving her vitamins and medicines, iron, and who knows what. It was orange the other day and green today. I guess that’s good. Those are antioxidant colors. This afternoon she got a big creamy looking shake that the nurse said includes a fair amount of calories and nutrition.

Nurse Mack is a big man with lots to say. He has been very nice to explain everything to us. He’s been doing this for 30 years and really cares. He’s taking good care of Mom, who is resting in a heavily sedated state today, while we discuss the state of our nation, economics, history, politics, healthcare, and escaping it all to live on an island in the Caribbean.

There is a lot of rambling today because I brought Mom’s laptop and kept a running dialog with myself to have something to do. It helps to keep busy. I don’t know who all is reading this but it sounds like this blog is getting around a bit. Sometimes I hold back on things I would pour out of my emotional state and other times I tell it like it is. Thanks for listening.
Where’s the chocolate?

Good night prayer

John returned to the hospital and called me to give a last report for the night.

She will remain heavily sedated for quite a while. This was another day of trauma for her. It feels like a setback. It's really hard to see someone you love so much in this state. We know it is part of the process and she will still recover but she has a lot of healing to do.

The MD who is caring for her arm said they need to change her dressing every other day and she will need to have a few more surgeries on it. There will be pain for some time and nerve damage. She lost some muscle but he said she will eventually be able to use her hand and arm without too much difficulty. She still has her arm! and her hand! Thank God!


Lord, hold my mother in your arms tonight. Cradle her with love and healing light. Take away her pains and wrap her in your protective embrace. Send her beautiful dreams of her favorite places and let her know that she is safe, provided for, and loved. Amen

Wwhheeewww

It was a long day. Everything went as it should and Mom was returned to her ICU room around 5pm. We saw her briefly then came home to eat.

They completed all three procedures and said there were no problems. She looked rough when we saw her and it was a little dificult. She had to be lying on her face for several hours so she looked puffy. They have a drain in her neck to handle that wound and another attached to her arm which has it's own suction. This is to draw blood to the wound and give it plenty of blood flow that will prepare it for the skin graft. They haven't told us when they will do that.

This was the first time we actually saw her arm and the wound there is large. It is most of her forearm. We hope they will be able to patch it up well.

They will keep her sedated and on the respirator for some time now. Not sure when we will get to talk to her for a while.

John plans to stay there, close to her again tonight. He wants to thank everyone for their prayers and visits. Please continue until she is out of danger.

We talked about many things while we waited today. The waiting room rotation of families with injured loved ones is always interesting. Dean came up with the name Trauma Drama for a reality show to document some of it. Last night there were approx 50 people filling up the hallways, most of them teens and young adults who had come in for a 19 yr old man who shot himself. He did not survive and they were only holding him until his family arrived to release him from life support.

This morning I returned from the bathroom to report that the same toilet tried to get me again. It flushes automatically before you are done. YUK! From there the conversation went to exploding toilets and John commented that some of these people who find themselves here probably freak out, not knowing exactly how to use one and frightened by it's performance.
I don't know about that but I wish they would put a proper vent in the only restroom for this waiting area!

Waiting for surgery

Dean, John, and I were talking to each other in Mom's room this afternoon and I was relaying a story about Casey to them when I noticed her eyes opening so I told her that I was just telling them about Casey stealing my underwear out of my room and putting them in his bed. She smiled!

I'm pretty certain it was a smile. She wants so much to talk and we have a hard time with these one way conversations but we try to fill her in on things. I told her about her surgery tomorrow. We keep talking to her but still are not sure how much she remembers each time. I told her about the blog and how famous she is, I told her about the hostel work I did and that Casey has attached to me (I can't go anywhere in the house without him) but he keeps looking for her.

One thing is for certain, she is a fighter! The nurses have commented on this as well. She is ready to get out of this mess!

Tonight's nurse said she will most likely still be in ICU for another week after this surgery and the respirator may not be removed right away. Because of her broken ribs, she will not cough and breathe deeply enough. She said if they determine that she needs the respirator for a very long time they will have to consider a tracheotomy so that the hose is not pressing on her vocal chords too long. We hope they don't need to do this.

The waiting room has filled up tonight, yet again, with another large family. I'm trying to convince John that he would do well to sleep the night in his own bed. I reminded him that it is a very quick drive here in the middle of the night when there is no traffic. She is very stable right now and I think he feels it might be ok but still, he does not want to leave but he is for tonight.

We went out for a nice Chinese food dinner tonight. John's fortune cookie said that he will face no obstacles in the coming week!

Tomorrow will be a long day. They will take her down at 8 for the first procedure to insert the vein filter and then to the neck surgery. A doctor told us tonight before we left that they also plan to fix her left arm a little better with a procedure that will prep her for a skin graft.

Keep her and us in your prayers.

Thank you Judy Snowden for the great message you left hanging on her tv today! It reads: Fear Not Tomorrow For God is Already There

Healing and resting

Mom is continuing to improve and regain her health. She looks better now, having shed much of the fluid and swelling she had a few days ago. She also had a yellowish tint to her skin and eyes which has cleared up considerably.

Although she remains on the respirator, they have adjusted the mode and O2 levels to the minimum necessary to assist her. We all want her off the vent so she will be more comfortable and need less sedation but they can't take it out until after her surgery.

They gave her some more blood this morning. She has been getting some food through a tube but it goes very slow and in very small amounts. This is helping her get better and stronger and we hope they continue but with surgery upcoming they stop. We don't have a time scheduled for surgery tomorrow but I think it may be in the morning.

They still haven't intalled the vein filter. Not sure when but hope it will be soon so there is no longer a risk of that blood clot in her leg getting to her lungs or heart. It needs to be done before the surgery. They may do it first when they take her to surgery.

This neck surgery is a serious procedure and it is an absolute miracle that she is alive to get it. I'm so thankful that the first people on the scene did not move her and the EMTs and/or trauma people put the neck brace on right away. We have been told that the majority of people with this type of injury don't survive or become paralysed because the bones are not supported and press on the spinal cord. She still has ligaments there but they are too weak to do the job well. They said her injury is a level III. The docs are very confident that she will be fine and only lose a little mobility in her neck.

John and I are still with her as much as we can be but not so much in her room as just in the hospital. They keep it very cool in the ICU. I can't stay too long and just let the nurses to what they do and Mom get her rest.

Thanks for the lovely prayer poem.

A Prayer for You

I thought of you so much today
I went to God in prayer,
To ask Him to watch over you
And show you that we care

My prayer for you was not for rewards
That you could touch or feel,
But true rewards for happiness
That are so very real.

Like love and understanding
In all the things you do,
And guidance when you need it most
To see your troubles through.

I asked Him for good health for you
So your future could be bright,
And faith to accept life's challenges
And the courage to do what's right.

I gave thanks to Him
For granting my prayer
To bring you peace and love.

May you feel the warmth in your life
With God's blessings from above.

from The 12 Step Prayer Book (1999) Hazelden.

neck surgery

The neurosurgeons are going to wait until Friday for her surgery to give her more time to reduce fluids. She is doing better today since they fed her last night(the first time ever). At 3pm they had not fed her today but we are hoping they will. They had to find out from the vascular surgeons if and when they were going to install the vein filter.

Her pain meds have been reduced and she woke up quite a bit today. I wanted so much to talk with her but she was in pain and moving her neck around too much. We tried not to stimulate her so she wouldn't move too much.

I'm helping, at the hostel office, do some of Mom's work raising money.

It's been one week since the accident

I arrived this morning to learn they have again postponed her surgery. There are still concerns about turning her onto her stomach due to her lung function. They aren't sure if they are still leaking air or not but the pressure of turning her, combined with the moisture is not the best conditions for her at this time.

The neurosurgeons turned off her pain meds this morning to check her nervous system. She was more awake than we have seen her this whole time. She moved both feet and arms which was GOOD! She was very uncomfortable with the respirator down her throat and tried to say so. I understood her telling me she was thirsty and we wet her mouth and throat. She let us know she was in pain so she was returned to a sedated rest. It is so frustrating to try and understand her when she wanted to talk we guessed at things and she nodded. She cannot use her hands, they are both swollen and bandaged and she is too medicated. We really don't want her moving her neck however. She is in a delicate state.

The medicine she is on is called an amnesiate or something like that. She won't remember anything and can't remember anything every time she wakes. We explain to her each time what happened and her condition. It's sad to see that reality hit her again and again but she won't remember it that way.

Yesterday they removed an arterial port which was used to collect oxygenated blood samples. They didn't need it anymore and it was a possible site for risk of infection. Today they will be inserting a filter into her vein to trap a blood clod they located in her leg. This will prevent it from getting loose and traveling into her lungs or heart.

We talked a long time yesterday with young, handsome doctor Jack who showed us her x-ray photos and explained many things. We could see the air in her chest all along her right side and accross her shoulders. He also showed us the darker areas of her liver where it has bled. The broken ribs are many, a couple are complete, some are fractures and this is where air has leaked from her lungs. All and all, they said she is mending well and is very fortunate.

The nurse this morning had a couple of days off and said she can see much improvement since she was last here. We really like her. Her name is Rebecca and she's pregnant.

John and I are into the routine here. He got a much better night's sleep last night in a different waiting room that has a door and less people. He is not sitting by that phone all the time anymore. We are tired of eating and sitting around so have been going on walks. I take my cell phone so we can be called. John still does not want to get a cell phone, just yet, but he is considering it at this time.

We have to laugh about the social drama going on in the waiting area. People spend the nights together and get to know each other a bit. There was a couple who had been here a month but they never talked to each other and he just played a little game boy and kept his hearing aid turned off. Another woman has been here (who knows how long) and says her son is in protective custody because someone wants him dead. He was hit in the head with a cinder block but we don't know where he is. She has one eye and looks like a voodoo preistess. John has taken on the fatherly role in the room and told her when she came in around 2 am that she shouldn't be out so late. The last couple of days the room was been taken over by a large family who seem to have come out of the holler for the first time in a long time.

I'm not going home until I have to. Sunday or Monday as it stands. I appreciate my friends back home who are offering to help with my kids. I miss my home and family but must stay here with Mom and John until.....

Tuesday surgery postponed

We thought Mom would have her surgery this afternoon but they called at 6 am and wanted to move her in early. When I arrived I learned they had decided to postpone until tomorrow to give her more time before doing it. She will have to be turned onto her stomach and they are primarily concerned with her lungs, which they said were a little too moist today.

She still has swelling and a lot of fluid retention combined but they are giving her diuretics to reduce it. I thought and hoped the venilator would help reduce moisture in her lungs but it really doesn't. This is difficult.

The oxygen levels on her ventilation have been reduced which means she is doing more on her own. They had hoped to ween her down and take her off but not before surgery. They don't want to have to reinstall it.

John and I were able to say hello to her this morning. She heard his voice and turned her head toward him. She seemed confused and frustrated. It's so hard to be unable to communicate with her but we told her what happened and that we are here and everyone is praying for her and to relax and know she is in good hands. She was uncomfortable and was given some more medicine and has been sleeping since.

We can only wait and pray for now. She is making small steps of progress.

Thanks again for you love and prayers.

Diane
I saw the comment about the email I sent to raise awareness of the hostel. This isn't an email but is found by an internet search. I don't think it is appropriate here, now. I don't want to give the impression that I'm using her illness to raise money but I have written a letter to the newspaper and Ark Times and posted the same on LR Craigslist and a LR forum, mentioning her devotion to the hostel and how I would like to see things continue and progress in her absense. I know it will mean much to her, when she is better, to know that so many people have taken up her flag and continued on her quest.
I do have many ideas and suggestions to work on. If anyone wants to help me I would welcome it, I'm just not organized enough to put volunteers to task at this time.
Look for the http://www.firehousehostel.org/ to come online very soon with info. That is my number one goal at this time.

Monday morning surgery

Mom's surgery this morning went well to repair the wrist bones of her right hand. The surgeon said it was shattered in 5 pieces but they were able to put the puzzle back together and set it. She will have full use of it. There were no complications.

They also called in others surgeons to have a look at her other arm which has been badly damaged. The bones are fine but the skin of her forearm was pushed back (the doctor described it as similar to rolling down a sock). So far they had stitched it up and been keeping it clean and bandaged but today they opened it up again, cleaned it, and removed a large part of the skin that was no longer viable. Last we were told was that plastic surgeons were going to have a look at it and it was most likely she will have a skin graft to cover this skin loss.

During this surgery the head of neurosurgery came in to tell us she will need another surgery tomorrow on her neck. We were all surprised to learn that even though her MRI checked out ok on the bones, the strained ligaments are more serious than we realized. He said they had been severed and were unable to support her neck bones at all.

Depending on how well she recovers from today's surgery, they plan to operate tomorrow. He said they will be taking a small piece of bone from her hip and using it to fuse her 1st and 2nd vertebra together and inserting pins on either side to stabilize it.

I am still here and will stay over again until tomorrow after this surgery.

Diane
I apologize for not responding to each and every phone call and email. I've been at the hospital with John but I have checked Mom's email and have been taking notes on all the phone calls to the house. John has received all of them and is so very appreciative. I gave him a list of over 30 a couple of days ago!

We have felt so fortunate and blessed to be so well connected at UAMS. John has an impressive pile of business cards from UAMS staff who have offered to help in so many ways. We are amazed and pleased with all the care and attention Mom and we have been given.

Continue to pray and send healing thoughts and energy her way.

Sunday afternoon

Mom continues to rest and heal. She is bathed and moved each day and is briefly awakened during this. We say hello to her and let her know about all the prayers and that we are here and she is getting good help but we don't know if she hears us due to the sedation, etc.

The nurses are very attentive and sensitive caregivers. They are very nice to explain anything to us. They have seen so much in the ICU and tell us that she is in good shape compared to others on this unit. Most are accident victims and much worse off.

We spend most time in the waiting room and check on her often. I will be going home tomorrow after her surgery but will return by Thur or Fri. Dean will help John keep up with Casey and anything at the house.

To keep busy, I have been doing some networking and promoting for mom's hostel project. I know that she will be glad it continues.

Thank you to all who have visited and continue to pray and send good, healing thoughts to my mom.
Diane

Sunday

No changes this morning. Surgery for her right wrist will be tomorrow morning.